Dear readers/friends/family:For those of you wondering where the hell I went, I have recently been abducted by aliens and will return soon with all new stories and writings -Until then, hang in there, keep your [...]

Look at calendar, make sure the day is Friday January 21st 2005. Glance outside window, verify that yes, there is a rapidly growing 2' high blanket of snow on the ground, note that visibility beyond [...]

I know you're just doing your jobs, and gawd bless you, but I think at this point we're very well aware that yes, it snowed a lot, people got stuck at home or on the [...]

Man.. I hope I can type as fast as this lady is talking..."Mallory? Mallory? Mallory?""What?""What's this, Mallory?""It's a dollar, you know that. Now put it back in the tip jar.""I'm hungry Mallory!""No we have to [...]

Hello. My name is Devo and food is my Mama. I can not stop thinking about it... never have, never will. Food is my favorite thing in the whole world. If I had to choose [...]

I usually don't do requests, but one was put in for me to do some abstract writing and I feel obligated to go above and beyond to deliver the goods. Enjoy. Contrary to what many [...]

Ripped from today's breaking news headlines: Singer curses onstage at inaugural concertIf you can't say the word "fuck" at a rock and roll concert, kids or no kids, president or no president, it's not a [...]

Was just sitting at the computer in the coffee shop reading today's entertainment gnus on YAHOO! and attempting to sip an iced mocha out of a straw. While reading, I felt something poking my brain.. [...]

My brain hurts... yet another interesting, very late, beer pitcher-filled evening at the Terminal Bar open mic took place last night. One of my favorite local guitar slingers/homeboys Nick joined in and made what he [...]

Our Saturday night Area 52 show rocked like a bowl full of Quarry breakfast cereal (only you old school SNL fans will get that one.. if you're not, sorry - please substitute the comparison with [...]

In the early 90's, I worked overnights at Target with Derek for a number of years. Derek was funny, although he wasn't ever trying to be. It was all due to the fact that he'd [...]

That's right. For the sake of fuck. Of all things relating to the sakeness of fuck.1-14-05 9:30amRobot Barista sat in the coffee shop in the wee hours of the morning like the little old lady [...]

Wow.. I was just strolling past Devo's litterbox and spotted a rather peculiar item laying in there:The boy is a license to print money, I tell ya. If he can make these come out clean [...]

[Setting: Me at a crowded press conference. I walk up to podium in my tuxedo tee shirt, put on bifocals, take out a piece of paper and begin reading the following language [...]

"BEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEEP. Welcome. What can I get for you today?""Yeah, I’d like a dark roast, a latte, and one of them scones.""BEEDEEBEEDEEp, what size would you like? *sigh* For the love of C3-PO. You humans are [...]

My brain is racing today and I need to organize my thoughts. What better way to do so than disconnect from reality and just let my brain control my fingers on the keyboard... just sort [...]